My time has come...

Photo courtesy: My wedding photographer - SKLensMagic

Disclaimer: This is a girl's perspective.

It is one of those paradoxical things in life. You want it sometimes and you don’t want it at others. People(especially boys and these days girls are joining in) always tend to swing like a pendulum in this aspect and that is “MARRIAGE”. I had earlier talked about how the meaning of marriage has changed over a period of time for me (Check out that post here), but now as I get closer to the actual act myself, my perspective seems to have changed, from an outsider to an insider.

(Fortunately/Unfortunately – Not sure which one should come) time has come for me to experience this exciting and treacherous journey. J :D K :/ L :’(

These are the emotions that I feel.
Strange? The weirdest part is you feel two ways about exactly the same thing.

INDEPENDENCE – finally you are going to be independent, you life is your own. “Yaaayyyy!!” In the very next second you feel, oh shit! That means I have to do everything on my own, from electricity bills to getting the vegetables, from getting a locker in the bank to making budget plans… you got to do it all. “Shitttt!”

NEW HOME – Now you can decorate things exactly the way you like. No ugly curtains. No shady bed sheets. Everything will be oooohh so perfect and propa! On the flip side that also means I got to do all the safai. Band ghar me itni dhul kahan se aati hai? Weekly dusting? How can I relax on weekends? Ek vase ke liye itne sare paise? Budgeting!! Monthly groceries?!?

NEW FAMILY – It’s just gonna be me and him. Life’s gonna be soo cool and perfect. Like a fairy tale. He understands me and my needs, unlike my parents, he’s from this generation right?(The same goes for me too) So…. Things won’t be the same, he will “GET” me. But what happens is… “Ghar itna late aaye?, ek phone nai kar sakthe thi?” “Tum apne socks washing machine me kyun nahi daal sakthe?” “Aaj khana kaun banayega?”

I’m not saying that none of the good’s happen only the bad’s do. All I’m saying is when you go into imagination mode, you feel diametrically opposite about the exact same thing => leading to all the more confusion.
It's like you are letting go of you childhood so to say... you are growing up in the truest sense.You are responsible to each other and for each other. It's a pact where you give away some and get some, the only way to make it a good deal is to cooperate and communicate with each other. So here's to hoping  that we can chat away to glory for the rest of our lives.
In the end all I can say is that no one can ever say whether it’s(marriage) good or it’s bad, at best they can say – “I need it and I want it”. We all do.

Marriage - Shaadi - Le Mariage

Marriage seems to be the topic of the day rather year... so here goes...


The one is dedicated to a close friend is embarking this banal yet atypical experience. To Sowmini and Sandeep and of course to a person who inspired the painting. This is my way of wishing them a lifetime of love, trust and caring.


Marriage? What is marriage?


The meaning of marriage has changed as I have grown up, when I was about 7 or 8, marriage was the "ghar ghar" game that I used to play. I would play the mum who cooks all the time and takes care of the kids, some bloke would play the dad who would go to work, be the breadwinner and some other kids(usually younger or shorter than us) would be the children.


Maybe at about 13 or 15 I think I realised that someday, someday I might have to get married and leave this home and start my own life, but never spent too much thought on it as a there was lots of time for it...( I was wrong, time just flew... )


At about 18, marriage seemed like the most fitting ending to any romance, felt like I would fall in love with this handsome prince charming and he would whisk me away to this amazing " la la" land and that's when I will be married...


At about 21, I think reality striked... I realised there is no "la la" land and all the work, responsibilities that I would have to do. Basically I realised how much work my mom does, and it struck me like that I would have to fulfill exactly that role in somebody's home (Trust me there is nothing more scarier that this - A salute to all the moms and wives who keep it all together and make this society function).
So, whenever the topic came up at home, I kept saying - "I'm not ready for it.", "Let's give it some more time", "I'm too young", "I haven't done anything in life" etc etc...


I'm 23 now, just about bordering on 24 and I think now I've come to a level ground, Marriage is not a whirlwind romance, it's definitely not just whole lot of responsibilities and work.
I read this quote somewhere -
"In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy.  The truth is precisely the opposite:  it begins all.  ~Anne Sophie Swetchine"
I think marriage is when you can actually say and meant it that "Your life has just begun".


It seems like a logical extension to your life, you don't want to stay with your parents anymore(reason - want more independence), friends have grown so apart that an occasional mail is only time you get to hear them. I suppose marriage is like a big promotion at work, you get more money(he works you work), you have fringe benefits(you always have one person whom you can go to, to annoy, to love, to crib, to laugh with...), you have perks(Bigger family, more friends, more people who care for you and your well being) but at the same time you have more work(Subeh subeh khana kaun banayega?), more responsibilities(Two sets of parents to take care of) etc etc... You got to get the promotion at one point or the other, or else work will always be the same, it brings in monotony...


The bond itself doesn't cease to amaze me...I've seen couples who have spent so many years of their lives together, 30 years,50 years , oldest couple I personally know is into their 63rd year of marriage. I wonder what it feels like to spend so many years of your life with another person. What do they talk about? Do they talk? When I say talking I don't meant like how you talk to a colleague at work, really talk... Do they?
A friend of mine pointed out that with the invention of mobile phones, today's generation spends way too much time talking to each other even before getting married, the concern here is that if you talk so much over the phone about every damn detail in your life, then will there any conversation be left for the rest 40 years that you are supposed to spend with each other?I found this to be a fair enough argument, but then I realized, have you ever got bored of talking to your Dad? Your Mom? No right, the reason being even though it's the same person, everything around you is always changing... in fact even you and that other person is also constantly evolving... so the conversation you have today bears no consequence of what you might talk about the next/previous day. Life just rolls on... which is what makes marriage the perfect next step in human evolution at an individual level.


Ending a long article by once again wishing them loads of luck for officially "Starting their own life".


PS: - I know I'm not a expert on the subject(esp cause I'm not married) but I felt like sharing my thoughts on the subject.

It's called the "Match Fixing" syndrome

Have you ever heard of it? Don't be surprised if you haven't, cause I just coined a new word(Mental note: Need to inform the Oxford guys), well it's actually an apt name for what is happening all around me. Well to not talk in riddles anymore I'm referring to arranged marriage here. Don't go... ooh!! You mean that, it's no less that any match fixing scandal..
I have no clue what happens to parents once their daughters reach a "certain age" - oh! The coveted certain age. They become all mushy mushy about you, and start treating you like, how long is this going to last anyway.. OK, if I stop being cynical, they give all that you ask for, do what you like and basically treat you like a spoiled brat(Of course all this is totally to our advantage - Guys miss out on this).This being the good part, there is much deeper, darker side to it. The dark side is they ask you these questions, questions which previously never ever occurred to you, let's have a look at some of them
- Would you like to marry a NRI? (Is that a qualification, really?)
- How older should he be than you? (Does older mean more mature or more stupid?)
- How tall should he be? (Shouldn't be shorter than me..)
- Is it OK if he has a big family? ( Like I'll gun down the family, if I happen to like the guy)

I mean, come on guys... But mind you, I know people who have very very very specific answers for all these questions, like I want a guy who is exactly 6 feet, and is working in a big bank in UK(used to be USA, not so long ago). He should be exactly 4 years older than me and can have a big family, provided it's not a joint family and he should have only sisters, not brothers. Phew!! now that's what you call is explain in detail!!

Then comes the even more arduous task of photos and resumes and shortlisting the candidates - Unfortunately, I think Indian parents are the only ones still left with this task. To be fair to them, what else do you expect from them - they need to get rid of you one way or the other. We as Indians, know the procedure and know the system and know from a very very young age that this is how it works, but somehow I can't get my head around, why things got to be so so complex.
An analogy similar to Chetan bhagat's theory on love marriage in India, arranged marriage is not so different.
Boy likes girl's photo, girl likes boy's photo,
Girl's family likes boy's family, boy's family like girl's family,
Boy girls horoscopes should match - they are perfect for each other astrologically(If only it was so simple to find Mr.Right, all girls would have mastered astrology by now)
Boy sees girl, girl sees boy (implied their families do the same thing)
Boy talks to girl, girl smiles sheepishly ( of course, this is point of no return, but its still a formality which makes parents believe, they have given us a choice)
Finally they decide to get married... Now, that's what you call is systematic procedure(Wonder, why marriages go bad even after all this!!)

Now you must be thinking that finally it's done right - WRONG!! The biggest task actually starts now, Marriage is a really complex procedure in India, from the photographer to the place where you will get married, from what the guy will wear on the reception night to what the bride's younger sister(actually cousin - and prospective bride to be) will wear at the marriage, from what the guy's family got to give the girl to what the girl's family got to give the guy, who gets invited, who doesn't, who gets what kind of return gifts, what return gifts to give, the wedding cards..the list goes on...it's all one big, really complex procedure which is way too difficult from me to explain!
The again, why can't things be simple, is a simple traditional marriage in a temple with just close relatives, not marriage enough? For atheists, is register marriage such a bad idea?

After all the hullabaloo, the pair is finally left to flourish/decimate themselves... Simple right? Now this is a match fixed to perfection...

PS:- This post is meant to be taken in the lighter vein, I obviously appreciate what our parents do for us, respect the institution of marriage and mean no disrespect to this system.